I want to be really famous so Ryan Gosling will know who I am and one day we’ll both end up at some shitty award show like the MTV Movie Awards and he’ll see me walking by and yell, “Hey, aren’t you that Pilot girl who is like, really famous?” And I’ll answer “Yeah! And you’re that one guy, Ryan something?” And he’ll think it’s funny that I don’t know his name and he’ll joke and say “Ryan Reynolds” and I’ll say “No! You’ve never been in Two Guys A Girl And A Pizza Place! If there’s one thing I know it’s sitcoms involving pizza!” And he’ll think it’s really cool that I like pizza so much and we’ll drink out of one of the twelve flasks I have in my purse and he’ll tell me that the hugely popular post-grad sitcom on FX that I created is his favorite show and we’ll sneak out of the award show early to get candy and pizza because we can’t stop thinking about pizza and then he’ll drunkenly walk me home and agree to be in this really cool music video I’m directing for this super famous indie band that involves robots knitting baby clothes although it’s really a metaphor for technology and urban planning and he’ll think it’s genius. We’ll become really good friends and get dumb tattoos together like of ghosts or Chumbawamba lyrics and eventually I’ll get really drunk and I’ll tell him that I always knew that his name was Ryan Gosling and we’ll have a nice laugh and he’ll say “Yeah, I know, I read your tumblr all the time and you’re really funny.” And I’ll act all surprised although I TOTALLY saw my tumblr bookmarked on his computer once when he left the room to go talk to his mother on the phone and I was snooping to see if he still talks to Rachel McAdams because I get really jealous when I drink but anyway he’ll tell me that I’m pretty much the funniest person in the entire world and he knows I’m not really into the idea of marriage but couldn’t we at least agree to be in a committed relationship and maybe live together and adopt like, fourteen more dogs and I’ll sigh and say, I guess and two years later we actually do get married and our wedding is True Romance themed and his vows are just, “You’re so cool, you’re so cool, you’re so cool.” And I’ll say, “Yeah, I’m pretty fucking cool.”
